Relationships & Property: A cocktail for success or financial ruins


If there’s one thing that divides relationships more than ever, it’s almost always money.


Furthermore, for couple’s who are trying to get a leg up on the property ladder, not being on the same page with your monetary goals could ultimately lead to disaster.   

It’s all magic and rainbows in the beginning, but no one tells you how hard it will be years down the track when you’re in a relationship with someone who has a completely different money mindset than you. 



Not being on the same page can have devastating consequences…


On the relationship, but also on the individuals and their overall ability to generate a stable and financially sound future. 

We see this often when people are wanting to pursue property investing as a means to create wealth.

Usually one partner is keen as mustard to get started, while the other one can’t shut it down fast enough. 

These scenarios, regardless of what side of the fence you sit on, need to be handled with extreme care and caution. 

Most of the time, these scenarios are easy to work through, but every now and then I come across a couple, where one of the partners have a deep-rooted fear that is hard to shift, which stops the pair moving forward.

In these situations, there is almost-always more at play than just one partner simply not wanting to invest in property. 



For example – 20 years ago I met Jan and Tom.


Tom was driven to become a property investor. He was really passionate about acquiring real estate as a wealth creation strategy and could see the benefits in starting ASAP.

Sadly, his wife Jan was not as keen. I don’t know how, but he managed to get her along to a property investment seminar I was running in a final attempt to get her over the line. He wanted her to be open to talking about the different options that were available to them. 

Unfortunately, Jan was hell-bent on not proceeding with the venture and the couple did not end up buying an investment property. 

Today, they are still no better off than they were 20 years ago. 



It takes two!


Now it’s easy to say, she’s a this and she’s a that, (and to be fair she was not the nicest person to be around).

BUT, her mindset and resistance to improving their financial situation had nothing to do with property and everything to do with the fact that she had a negative money mindset that was embedded in her from childhood. 

Jan came from a background of poverty and had very little growing up. When she met Tom, the pair worked really hard to get the small amount that they had.

But her stingy and closed mindset has held them back from moving forward any further than having ‘just enough’ to get by. 



Unsurprisingly, doing nothing achieved nothing.


Jan’s scarcity approach to life has gravely impacted the couple’s ability to create long-term financial stability and therefore over a 20 year period, they have experienced very little growth. 

And while Tom stood by his wife’s decisions, he has had to suffer those same severe consequences despite knowing that there was a better way forward. 

Now none of this is about property. Jan wasn’t scared of property. Jan was scared to push past her limitations and to trust her husband and the professionals around her, to create a life that would have given her a lot more financial freedom and options than what she currently has. 

She was too scared to take the leap, and so Jan and Tom remained stagnant. 



As a couple do you have the same financial goals?


Being on the same page as your partner when it comes to your finances and your ability to create wealth is either going to help or hinder you in the long term.

You will be surprised by how many couples don’t talk about their financial situation or dreams in an open and supportive format. Ask yourself: 

  • Are you and your partner on the same page when it comes to your savings goals?
  • Do you share the same vision for your financial future?
  • Are you both working towards the same retirement figures? 


These are all very big and important conversations to have, and if you’re not used to having them it can feel awkward and uncomfortable.

It might even bring up tension or trigger old wounds… 


Relationships & Property: A cocktail for success or financial ruins



How do YOU make it work?


As long as you’re both open, there are professionals that can help to start the conversation and facilitate a safe space to give you some things to think about when it comes to creating a financial future that benefits you both.  

For instance, just as Jan and Tom came to one of our property seminars, so too did… let’s call them Barbara and Bob.

Thankfully, unlike the first couple, their circumstances changed dramatically after receiving some guided coaching and professional advice from our team of property investment specialists. 



Together they decided to make it happen.


Now at the time, Barbara and Bob were getting close to retirement. Just like the first example, Bob was keen to take the big, bold step into property investing – he knew that if they moved quickly and deliberately, they might have a chance to get themselves in a stronger position for retirement.

He had to beg Barbara to come along to one of our seminars to learn more. 

At first, she wasn’t having a bar of it. Again, just like Jan, she had come from nothing and as a working-class woman, she’d slogged it out her entire life.

Despite not having huge incomes, she and her husband had scrimped and saved, and she now felt that their level of success was suffice. There was no reason to disrupt that. 

Barbara, like so many others I meet, was comfortable and the thought of posing any risk to their current position was scary, almost unfathomable, especially as she was in her late fifties and was fast approaching 60. 

While she was conservative, after learning a little more about the process of property investing and how they could mitigate some of the risk factors, she finally gave Bob the green light.

Now, he would not be able to set the world on fire because she had some pretty tight parameters, but it was enough to allow him to do something and that was a massive step in the right direction. 



You wouldn’t believe it!


Fast-forward three years later and guess what? She’s now the driving force AND the pair own more than one investment property!

I laughed when I last caught up with them last only to find out that Barbara had been on Bob’s case about getting the next property. 

“Hurry up Bob – you shouldn’t be going to golf when you should be looking for property. C’mon, get it sorted,” I recall her saying to him. 

And believe it or not, this is not uncommon. It’s usually the person that was most resistant in the beginning who ends up leading the way. 



Learn from their examples.


Now, I share these two scenarios about Jan and Tom, and Bob and Barbara because these represent many New Zealand couples who are often too scared to take action because of old and deep-rooted beliefs around money. In a relationship dynamic this can easily become messy and toxic, fast. 

It’s important to start having healthy conversations about your financial future as early as possible. If you find that you’re interested in developing a wealth strategy that includes property investing but your spouse is dubious, know that there could be some underlying issues at play. 

However, if they’re somewhat open minded, it may just be a case of getting them in front of an expert and empowering them with the tools and information required to feel safe and informed in their decision making. 



You’re invited to our next Property Investor Night


At our free property investment seminar, we’ll equip you and your partner with the right education and knowledge so you can create a strong financial vision together, putting you both in the driver’s seat for a future with high wealth prospects. 

Not only will this align you as a couple, but it also has the potential to change the trajectory of what you thought was possible. 

Use the form below to book your seat.


Sue Irons

Director – Positive Real Estate NZ



Reserve your free seat!